Blog blog bloggity blog blog....

The Vols are sure living up to their name right now; getting their show run by the Louisville Chuggers, who of course are led by the intangibles of Edgar "Sammy" Sosa. This is why I hate gambling. Much like fantasy sports, it forces you to root for teams and players and Bruce Pearl, whom you hate. 

My Bracket is looking rather splendid at the moment, at least compared to everyone else's. I knew from the moment I wrote it in ink that Purdue would not make the Final Four. Whatever, one of my friends had Belmont winning the West Regional, and 90% of people are still wiping their mouths off after Georgetown and Duke's exits came a little early, if you know what I'm sayin.

It would do me wonders if UCLA choked tonight. Lube em up Western KY!

But I need to go; I suddenly have the urge to rush to Marshall Fields and buy 30 packs of Hanes underwear and oh my god, there that is one circus-ugly baby on my TV screen promoting laughter. It adds eight years to your life, they say. Pot heads everywhere are rushing to invest stock in laughter, dude. 

Its March Madness!

Sure it's already into week 2 of the tournament. But you know what? I had a huge bunny to deal with who kept passing out chocolate and so cut me a break. Here is my expert analysis:

-Stephen Curry, son of the well known Indian food, Curry, has been nothing but spicy in this tournamnet. 40 on Gonazaga and then 30 on Georgetown? And the kid looks like a darker skinned Mcully Culkin who goes to the gym once a month, sort of like me. How is the kid getting into the paint and hitting huge threes? Roy Hibbert where were you?

-Speaking of Roy Hibbert, coud this guy be any more overrated? When he goes to the foul line his face screams "I AM REALLY NOT THAT GOOD AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE PLAYING ANYMORE, LET ME FOUL OUT REAL QUICK." I think Roy would talk like that Giant from Big Fish. Anyway, the guy scores 6 points and fouls out against Davidson. Some showing for supposedly the best big man in college. Does a guy who scores less than 10 every game and cannot even average double digits in rebounding really have a future in the NBA?

-I would personally like to thank Clemson for ruining my bracket by making maybe 5 shots in the second half of their game against 'Nova. Up 18 in the first half, Clemson went into North Carolina-mode and decided to choke. Jacking up 3 after three that would not go down, Coach Purnell decided to change up the game plan and have them keep shooting threes, because that might work. Their suppossed sharp shooter Ogelvy couldn't even hit a shot. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you are 10 FEET BEHIND THE THREE POINT LINE! Are you winded from bringing the ball up from the baseline? My lord. It's those damn purple jerseys, everyone knows eggplants can't shoot.

-How about North Carolina dropping over 100 points in two straight games now? Not really even fair. I know Hansbrough averages over 20 a game, but does he ever put up an actual basketball shot. Everytime he scores its from him grabbing a rebound and throwing it at the hoop while three guys are punching him in the face. But they keep going in. I am waiting for Tyler to just stare in disbelief after he hits a halfcourt shot facing the other way. "I can't believe these keep going in! I am going to score a huge NBA contract all because I throw the ball at this hoop thing and it goes in!" I have a theory the Hansbrough is always intoxicated during an NBA game, Jackie Moon style. You know how after he hits a big shot, Tyler runs down the court doing some sort of motion only white people know how to do? One of those "this is how I dance in the club cause I'm tall and white" dances that makes us cringe because it just adds to the stereotype that we can't dance. Well, I reffered to Katt Williams for this theory. Katt believes that white people can't dance, but only becase they are too fucked up to dance. So
1. White people can't dance because they are extremely under the influence.
2. Tyler Hansborough cannot dance (see Clemson and Virginia Tech games)
3. Therefore, Tyler Hansbrough is extremely under the influence.
Here is the video to prove it

No wonder he puts up those ridiculous shots.

-So who is my favorite to win it all? Well, I guess it would ne North Carolina right now, but UCLA is not far behind. Kansas has to choke sometime soon right? I give them one more round. Wisconsin has a huge ugly white guy and a player who wears ski goggles when he plays so we can count them out for sheer ridiculousness. Tennessee scares me every time the play, letting American and Butler hang around for way to long. Louisville has been very dominating, while Memphis has also struggled. So in the end, a bad dancing white man will probably win it. But so could a girlfriend beater. Gotta love the tourney.

An ode to the West

Pack up your bags, we’re going on a trip

To a mysterious land beyond the Mississipp

Not to a place where fans and players brawl

But to a place that knows how to play some good ball

 

First stop is New Orleans, home of Chris Paul

He and Stojakovic make that rain fall

David West showed he’s a great ball handler

I wish the Bulls had kept Tyson Chandler

 

Lets go to Houston, the number one seed

It took 22 straight wins, Yao they don’t need.

Francis and Jackson and Shaner and Tracy

Rafer Alston…8 for 11 from three?

 

Onto San Antonio, where the defending champs play

And you’ll see Tim Duncan, the best center Today

Bowen and Parker, their defense will clench

Their leading scorer Manu comes off the bench

 

Lets look at Dallas where Dirk likes to drive

They’re also the proud owners of one of the fab five

A championship ring, Mark Cuban is cravin’

So he brought in some Cali Kidd named Jason

 

Time to leave Texas and enter the Rockies

The Answer’s 26 a game, despite his size of most jockeys

You know the K-Marts and the boy from  the Cuse

You should also know that Camby will pack the shit out of yous

 

Head over to Utah, where Williams gets crossed

If Kyle Korver punk’s you, try not to get tossed

Mehmet and Boozer and the Mighty AK

Make up the inside. No games, they play

 

Into the desert, where Steve Nash has wowed

Beware of giant black men jumping into the crowd

Grant Hill is old, but he keeps up with their pace

And that’s when Amare puts his nuts on your face

 

Take a look at the Lakers of LA

Where Kobe puts up about 30 a day

They traded for Gasol to get over the hump

Now they just need to get Luke Walton to dunk

We’ll end in Oakland, where they score the most points

And by the fans in dressed gold, Baron Davis anoints

Webber is useless but I digress

I’ll end on the play of Monte Ellis

Sorry to the Kings, the Grizz, and the Clips

Maybe its about time to hand out some pink slips

And to the Sonics in Seattle, I don't know what you can do

You scored 116, and still lost by 52

For all of us fans, the west is our heaven

50 win teams? Maybe five, six or seven

And maybe next year it will be Portland that becomes the 10^th peg.

Right now they have Roy, and then they’ll have Greg

What rhymes with Azubuike?

FIGHT! FIGHT!

Deadspin found this great video of a hockey announcer of the St. Louis Blues' minor league affiliate urging two goalies to fight eachother. Can you imagine if Gus Johnson urged perhap Kevin Love and O.J. Myo to go toe to to like this?
"Kevin Love comes in with a right hook...and he is goING TO CONNECT WITH THE RIGHT!!! DOWN GOES MAYO! IT DOESN"T GET ANY BETTER T H A N T H A T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yeah, I just don't care....

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/cs-080310-chicago-bulls-chris-duhon,1,5205283.story

Tyrus Thomas is a straight up baller. When that kid wants to be, he's one shot blocking, alley-oppin' son of a bitch--just check out some of the highlights from the Bulls' series against the Heat. Unfortunately, he does that about every 5th game he enters, which puts his baller status in serious jeopardy of being revoked. He was suspended for one game for a premeditated missed practice, in which he told his teammates "See you Thursday", after a Tuesday night game. If it didn't work for Allen Iverson, I doubt it will work for a second string power forward. But don't worry Tyrus, I'm sure you can make up the money you lost by winning next years dunk contest.

And then there's Chris Duhon, who, after going to the Duke/UNC game without permission, overslept Sunday's shoot around. You have to wonder, did ESPN get him caught by showing his face on TV? Anyways, he was slapped with a fine and benched for the game against the Pistons, although that's not much of a punishment for a professional athlete who sees about four minutes of that sweet PT a night. Chris, I understand you are unhappy because your playing speaks volumes more than your minutes, but take your damn job seriously. I don't care if you play behind Larry Hughes or don't get checked in after watching Hinrich and Gordon toss up brick after brick. You make three million dollars a year to play basketball. Plus, it's a contract year, and you know you won't be in Chicago in five months. Man up. That being said, I'm gonna miss him. His numbers aren't the greatest, but he has no doubt shown flares of the player he was at Duke. He was a great leader for his alma mater, and was always a character player who played his heart out whenever he came in, something you can't say about many players from the Baby Bulls era. I hope his attitude changes quickly and he can leave on good terms, something I'm sure many fans agree with.

And then there's there whole apathy thing. Paxon was again irked, as the bench acted out in a fit of Bronx cheer in the waning moments of Sunday's loss to the Pistons. Now I know they've been busy with trade rumors and voicing displeasure and all, but the boys DO know they are in the Eastern Conference, right? They're one game out! Even Paxon is guilty, wanting the boys to "play hard over these next 19 [games]." Good pep-talk, very Lombardi/Churchill. Who knows, maybe Drew Gooden found some chickadees in Joakim's hair, but I'm not going ot give them the benefit of the doubt. I was pissed off watching them yuck it up.

What can management do? Well, the fines, suspensions, and public humiliation to Joakim and Tyrus didn't have much of an effect on Duhon, so I propose giving the team Monday's off. I bet they hate those.

My Basketball Blog

Yes it has been a while since I have last posted, but thanks to Alex Kim and Tony for picking up the slack. There is nothing like a good Zack Randolph NBA video to start my day off! Anyway, since I have been gone I have watched a fair amount of basketball, drank a fair amount of alcohol, and have decided to share my revalations with you all.

-Once the excitement of the Cavaliers just making a move at the trade deadline wore off, I don't know how I feel about this trade. It almost feels like the exact same team, but with LeBron picking up more of the slack. Ben Wallace has been inconsistent and struggles guarding quicker power forwards. Wally Szeribak is shooting Larry Hughes type numbers right now and forcing shots. Hopefully we can contribute that to learning the offense and not feeling comfortable but I hope the Cavs did not swap one bad shooter for another. In the meantime, Larry Hughes is happily jacking up as many shots as he pleases in Chicago and not caring about whether they win or lose because apparently that's not at all important to him. Delonte West has impressed me. I think that if he can push the ball up the court like he has and hit his shots, then he will really help LeBron out. What more can you say about LeBron? He still falls in love with his jump shot when he is hitting it like he did in New York, which hurt him against Chicago the next night. But other than that the man is having one of the greatest seasons ever. If Wally starts shooting better and Gibson is still hitting shots when he comes back, watch out. Ric Bucher predicted Cavs-Lakers in the finals. I was a bit shocked but, man, how much fun would that be to watch. David Stern is praying for that match up.

-When you think of the most disappointing team in the NBA, you usually don't think of a team 10 or more games above .500. But the Denver Nuggets have got to be that team. This team on paper should be unbelievable. Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony. The 3rd and 4th leading scorers in the league! Marcus Camby, a great shotblocker and Defensive Player of the Year. A healthy Kenyon Martin. So what's wrong here? Why is this team getting blown out at time by the Knicks? Why could this team possibly not make the playoffs? The Nuggets don't play defense that's why. Why does Camby have so many blocks? Because opponents are blowing by their men so often Camby has to step in around the rim. The Nuggets could average 110 per game, but they re also giving up over 100 ppg. The Mavericks tried this style of play in the earlier 2000's and the Suns tried it the past few years. You will not get past the Spurs or the Lakers not playing any defense. Hell you won't get past the Warriors playing defense like that. Until the Nuggets stop caring so much about scoring and focus on the defensive end, this team will never make it out of the West. I would definitely call them the most disappointing team in the NBA.

-I miss the run and gun Suns. I still cannot tell if Shaq is making the Suns better, but besides their recent win over San Antonio, the have not looked very impressive. Shaq slows down their offense as expected and the Suns are scoring in the mid 90's every game now, something you used to never see. I understand that the Suns want a tested big man down the stretch in the playoffs, but was Shaq really that guy who was going to put you over the top? No longer are the Suns flying down the court before the other team can turn around after a basket. They have to set up their half-court offense which they are definitely not as good at. Amare Stoudamire has not been turned loose like he used to, he is a great player but I remember him being an absolute freak a few years ago. I just really do not see the Suns beating the Spurs in a seven game series with Shaq, he has lost most of his post game, still cannot shoot free throws, and almost killed himself jumping into the crowd the other night. Keeping Marion just made more sense than trading for Shaq.

-Dwight Howard is mad no one is talking about his Magic in the East. He's right, they aren't making much noise but, besides Hedo and Dwight, are they really getting great production from anywhere else? Rashard Lewis is inconsistent and what happened to to Jameer Nelson? He needs to play so much better for this team to be a serious contender.

-Watch out for the 76ers to give a high seed a run for their money in the playoffs. Andre Miller and the freakishly talented Andre Inguodala are slowly becoming a force to be reckoned with in the East. The bounce back from the Allen Iverson-Chris Webber debacle has gone pretty smoothly for the 76ers, and no one is talking about them.

-Are the Hawks ever going to learn how to play together. Al Horford, Joe Johnson, Mike Bibby, Josh Childress....this team has so many early first round draft picks that its inexcusable that they are still this bad.

-The Miami Heat could potentiall be the first team to be on National TV more times than they had wins now that Dwayne Wade is "out for the season." TAKE THEM OFF! Countdown to the day Pat Riley resigns and throws another frightened coach in to coach Beasley and Wade until they get good again is on.

-If I was to predict the NBA Finals right now, it would be extremelly hard to do. I think it is between the Spurs and Lakers in the West. I feel that the Spurs have gone away from how they win, and that is Tim Duncan. Manu has takes over that offense, and is playing fantastically, but the Spurs have always put Tim Duncan first. I think the combination of two great big men in Gasol and Bynum coupled with Kobe smelling that trophy is too much for the Spurs to handle. Out of the East it is a toss up. I think the Celtics would take out the Pistons in a 7 game series, but I cannot count out my Cavs either. If the Cavs gel, watch out because you know LeBron will step his game up in the playoffs. It will be a great playoffs. Look for the Warriors to take out another high seed in an early round again.

Aaron Rodgers, Get Ready To Be Held To Impossible Standards Sir

As we wave goodbye to Brett Favre and his great career, we leave you with a tearjerker from a fan who has followed him since his tiny head popped out of the womb. Tony Markovich brings us what it was like to be a fan of the one we know as....Why is that guy's name spelled like that? Shouldn't the V and the R be switched? Man what the hell?


Since I can remember, I have been a fan of the Packers. This comes as a surprise considering that I grew up just thirty minutes outside of Chicago with a father who was a Bears fan. But looking back when I first started watching football, how could I not like Brett Favre and the Pack? As a child who didn’t have any allegiances yet, I was going to root for the team and players I liked to watch. It just so happened that I liked the team in the NFL that was most hated by Bears fans. After watching Brett Favre’s style of play (the hair-pin passes, the 70 yard bombs off his back foot, the falling underhand tosses through 3 linemen) I was hooked. I knew from then on I would be a wearing one of those goofy looking foam wedges of cheese on my head for the rest of my life. From a fan’s perspective this turned out to be a great decision, as I would be able to follow one of the greatest people to ever touch a football.

When Favre first came out Southern Mississippi to enter the draft, he was ironically not the first quarterback drafted in 1991; Dan McGwire was by the Miami Dolphins. The same Dan McGwire that threw 2 touchdowns, 6 interceptions and a total of 745 yards to end his 5 year career with a 52.3 passer rating. Think the Dolphins looked back on that decision? Brett Favre was actually drafted 33rd overall in the second round by the Atlanta Falcons, who also made a franchise changing decision when they traded Favre to the Packers, just 1 season and 5 passes later.

It was on a September day in 1992 that Favre finally got to play after Don Majkowski got injured against Cincinnati. Unfortunately for Don, Favre led the Packers to a comeback win and took over the starting job later that season. From there, he began an era and perhaps the greatest career ever played.

In Favre’s illustrious career, there are so many great games and stories it is hard to single out just a few, but I will pick out some that are vivid in my memory. Of course, the first that comes to mind is Favre leading the Packers to the Super Bowl in 1997. The Pack played the New England Patriots, led by Drew Bledsoe. This was definitely my favorite Packers team with players like Desmond Howard (who won Super Bowl MVP with a 99 yard kick return and 90 yard punt return), Reggie White (RIP), Antonio Freeman, Dorsey Levens, and Mark Chmura. After scoring 17 unanswered points the Packers went on to win 35-21. The next year the would make it back to the Super Bowl thanks to Favre’s 3rd straight league MVP, but sadly lost to a solid Denver Broncos team lead by some guy named John Elway.

Another great memory I have of Brett was on a very emotional Monday night. If you don’t already know what I’m talking about you should probably rethink your status as a true NFL fan. Just the day before this Monday night game, Brett’s father passed away from a heart attack. Instead of taking time off, Brett decided to dedicate the game to his dad. Brett literally played his heart out and had one of the most memorable games in NFL history, going for 399 yards and 4 touchdowns in a 41-7 route of the Raiders. As tears streamed from Brett’s eyes as he walked off the field at Network Associates Coliseum, I think everyone knew that his father had been watching his son play that game and appreciated Brett’s incredible dedication to him.

Now, this game played in 1995(his first MVP season) against the Chicago Bears may not be remembered as often as it should be, but it certainly epitomizes Brett Favre and his unmatched will to play the game. One week after severely spraining his ankle, Brett threw for 336 yards and a career-high five touchdown passes in a 35-28 victory against the Packers archrivals. This game was just one of countless times Brett played through pain and agony to reach his NFL record 275 consecutive starts, including the playoffs.

Speaking of records, I am pretty sure Favre has every record a quarterback can possibly own. He has most TD passes (442), most passing yards (61,665), attempts (8,758), completions (5,377) wins by a starting QB (160), consecutive starts by a QB (253, 275 including playoff games), and most MVP awards (3).

Now I know all you haters, whom I don’t really know any, are going to point out his final record of most interceptions with 288. You are also going to say that anybody who has a 17-year career is going to eventually break these records because he played so long. While he did play for a very long time, nobody could break these records in the style or manner that Brett did. The reasons he has so many interceptions is because he was willing to go for it all. He was willing to take a chance and do anything in order to win the game that he lived for. Even if somebody does ever exceed these numbers, there is nobody who can match the passion and competitiveness that Favre played with. This man still at the age of 38 and after 17 tiring seasons in which he put his heart, soul, and entire life into, still has the childlike personality to throw a snowball at Donald Driver during this year’s division round playoff game against the Seahawks (which they won in the midst of a classic blizzard at the legendary Lambeau Field). There is no player that has ever loved the game more or had more fun playing the game than Brett Lorenzo Favre (that’s right his middle name is Lorenzo).

Finally, just for fun, I will leave you by showing you what Favre actually did for the football program at Green Bay. In the 16 years before Favre arrived, the Packers had zero divisional titles, one 10-win season, one playoff win, and a .406 winning percentage. In the 16 seasons WITH Favre as the man behind center, the Packers had seven divisional titles, nine 10-win seasons, eleven playoff wins (including a Super Bowl), and a .629 winning percentage. Nobody has made a bigger impact on a team than Brett Favre and nobody has been the symbol for an entire franchise longer than Brett Favre. He is one of the greatest players ever to toss the pigskin and probably THE greatest person to step onto the gridiron. As a Packers fan, it was one of the saddest moments in my life when I heard his announcement that he was retiring. He will be greatly missed and forever loved.

Goodbye Brett Favre

Hello Aaron Rodgers???

Back From a Sabbatical

My god, that week was one in 1,104. Four midterms kept my nose in the books Saturday through Wednesday, which was followed by a stomach virus that kept my nose in the toilet Wednesday through Saturday. But no worries, I am back from the dead, enjoying my slenderized body and heightened intellectual status after finally learning how to spell "diarrhea"
I'm writing from Stankowski Field, where the temperature is warm, the ladies are instinctively flocking to the track, Savage Garden is blaring out of AEPi, and Jorts jut took a base on a balk...in whiffleball. I figured I'd get out and enjoy the weather before March rears its Liony head. Seems like everyone else is too. Plenty of football and soccer balls flying around, but it seems that the start of spring training has given the kind folks of Columbia baseball fever (to which the only prescription is more cowbell)--as the first Spring games of catch have officially commenced. On that note, I'll tell you that an AL/NL preview is due, but for now Ima check out and just leave you with some basketball players acting stupid. Hooray.

Alex


Watch what happens when Zach Randolph tries to get crossed! Gut busting!


Oops! Lamar Odom forgets to pass the ball in bounds! What was he thinking?? Knee slapping!


I like all teams equally, I swear.


You must have the strength of a condor to watch this video in its entirety. Or you can just fast-forward to 4:55.