Tell Him What He's Won Jerry! The Eight Seed In The Eastern Conference Playoffs!

Ahhh, the Eastern Conference. Home of Jose Calderon, Samuel Dalembert, Jay-Z, Tyronne Lue, and many many more! And how can we forget the Iowa Energy, oh I'm sorry the Miami Heat? It was a year to remember folks. I remember at the beginning of this now mature NBA season. All the experts were talking about how the Eastern Conference had caught up with the West, with players like Rashard Lewis, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen all coming over to the East. Well sure enough the Celtics and the Magic improved immediately, but that was about it. Since everyone on the Bulls including former coach Scott Skiles thought they were being traded for Kobe Bryant, no one played well and the team that some crowned Eastern Conference Champs, or as Steven A. Smith said, "THEY GON' WIN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE!" fell towards the bottom of the standings. Or perhaps the team gave up after they drafted Joakim Noah. The young Raptors were ready to show their claws and jump into the category of Elite East teams, which is like 2, until they realized they play in Canada and decided it was not their year, ending up about .500 on the year. The Atlanta Hawks are going to make the playoffs though! Do you think Joe Johnson regrets his decision to leave Phoenix yet? 3 or 4 years since he has left and his Hawks are finally in the playoffs in the East and about to get swept, while the Suns have been in the playoffs every year since he left and have had a shot at the title every year. Good thinking Joe. Well the playoffs are here, and here I am to tell you who is gonna win. Think it's going to be Detroit or Boston? Well think again! Actually don't, cause it is.

I will start off with my ever-frustrating Cleveland Cavaliers. It appears as though their mid-season trade for Delonte West, Joe Smith, Ben Wallace, and Wally Sczjkhhf...I think that's how you spell his last name, has hurt more than it has helped this year. The Cavaliers are outscoring teams with LeBron on the bench, a sign that LeBron has been unable to get in a comfort zone with his new teammates or get used to playing with someone as pretty as Wally World. Anyway, the Cavs will take on the Washington Wizards for the third year in a row, and have to deal with their shitty fan base and shit talking players for the third year in a row. Don't get me wrong, I like Gilbert Arenas. But when someone named DeShawn Stevenson calls LeBron overrated shouldn't have Arenas interrupted that interview by yelling over from his locker, "Hey! DeShawn! SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU SEE WHAT HE DID TO DETROIT LAST YEAR? SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Anyway, anything is possible with LeBron, and if Boobie and Wally start hitting shots it can really stretch the defense. But beating Boston in the second round is a bit of a stretch in itself.

Detroit is like the Spurs of the East. A really good team who appears to be falling off and are boring as hell to watch unless Rasheed goes off on one of his temper tantrums, which he has cut down on this year. This year they have a group of five backups called the Zoo Crew. When Chauncey and the gang gets tired, Flip Saunders inserts and elephant, a giraffe, a peacock, a monkey, and the rare toucan. Oh I am sorry, wrong Zoo Crew. Consisting of Jason Maxiel, Arron Afflalo, Rodney Stuckey, and two others who are probably good basketball players, this group of five have been blowing out teams in this last week of the season. Yes that means you Minnesota Timberwolves, you are now losing to zoo animals.

What more can we say about the Celtics? KG has been a man possessed all year (he really has, Keanu Reaves had to exorcise a demon out of him earlier in the year) turning Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo into offensive and defesinve stars. And why has no one mentioned how big Rondo's hands are? HIS PENIS HAS GOT TO BE FUCKIN HUGE! That right there is reason enough for teams to get out of the Celtics way, in fear of being cock-slaped by Rajon Rondo.

Congratualtions to the Hawks for making the playoffs. Enjoy your week of first round ass kickings by the Celtics and get ready for another mediocre year! Hurray!

Orlando relies way to much on their ability to hit the three point shot to beat either Detroit or Boston. But honestly who wants to bang down low with that man child in Dwight Howard. That man is the T-Rex of the NBA. He walks around the land looking for other dinosaurs(players for those of you who don't understand my complex metaphors) to eat, but no one wants to challenge him. Then when the stupid Stegosaurus decides to step up he just gets eaten. Dwight Howard and Greg Oden, ladies and gentlemen, big men are back.

Everyone thinks the 76ers could be the surprise of this years' playoffs. But against Detroit in the first round? No way. Toronto? Have fun with Howard, Chris Bosh.

Here is how I see it playing out.

#1 Boston deaf. #8 Hawks
#2 Detroit deaf. #7 Sixers
#3 Orlando deaf. #6 Toronto
#4 Cavaliers deaf. #5 Wizards

#1 Boston deaf. #4 Cavaliers
#2 Detroit deaf. # 3 Orlando

#1 Boston deaf. #2 Detroit...boring I know but I just don't see anyone taking out Detroit or Boston. On with the playoffs!

Blogging adds 7 years to your life....

Ladies and Gentleman it has been a long time since Kimmy and I have blogged it up, and we know all 6 of of our readers have been worried about our whereabouts. But, have no fear, for have returned and are ready to blog once again. Kimmy has been drunk all weekend in Indiana so please forgive him if his next post is about the "fratmosphere" or how much he loves Mean Girls. Where have I been you ask? I have been mired in college work, college women, and college booze. We are back now though, so enjoy.

Next Saturday marks the beginning of the 2008 NBA playoffs, which for the Western Conference will be like World War II with each team fighting each other till the bitter end while suffering many casualties while Hitler poisons himself in the locker room. For the Eastern Conference it will be more like Vietnam. Boston and Detroit will play the Vietkong while teams like Atlanta, Philadelphia and Toronto will be playing America; getting their asses handed to them and after a while(maybe the third game of the series) they start to wonder why they are there in the first place. I look forward to this weekend, and I shall now tell you who I think will come out of all this mess and why my predictions are probably wrong.

First I want to talk about the Los Angeles Lakers. They beat the Flopping Bitch Huge Nose-less Spurs, oh I am sorry, the Manu Ginobli-less Spurs pretty handily this afternoon at the Staples Center. The one thing that sticks out on the Lakers besides Luke Walton is the size they have on that team. Paul Gasol, Ronnie Turiaf, Andrew Bynum when he comes back, Lamar Odom. It is going to be extremely hard to beat this team in rebounds and toughness under the rim. Gasol is money from 10 feet. Kobe Bryant and Gasol run one of the prettiest pick and roll plays aside from Chris Paul and David West. Ronnie Turiaf can step out and hit the long jumper, a huge asset for a man his size. Lamar Odom can apparently play any position as he brought the ball up the court multiple times. Derek Fisher has returned to his championship Lakers team form, hitting threesand contested jumpers all over the place. And then of course you have Kobe Bryant who could hit a shot sitting on top the jumbotron if he wanted to. The Lakers have a legit shot at the title this year.

So is it just me or do the Denver Nuggets not really deserve to be in the playoffs this year? It is ridiculous that with the amount of talent they have on that team they lost to the Sonics in double overtime when the season is on the line. The Denver Nuggets on offense are unstoppable. the Denver Nuggets on defense are a joke. I think everyone besides Marcus Camby wants to get back on offense so bad they could care less about defense. It is like that kid at your local gym. He challenges you to a pick up game, realizes you are playing defense on him when all he wants to do is dribble the ball between his legs for 20 seconds and then do some crazy reverse layup. He gets frustrated, then when its his turn to play defense he doesn't even bother, and the game is no longer fun for anyone. That is the Denver Nuggets in a nutshell. Same thing with Golden State. Sure they are a lot of fun to watch. But no team that gives up over 100 points a game is going past the second round in the Western Conference.

Houston will lose to Utah in the first round. For the third straight year, the Rockets will be going home early. No way playing with Skip To My Lou and Dikembe Mutumbo is going to continue to carry this team like it did during that 22 game winning streak.

So who do I see coming out of it? Let's do it like this:
#1 Lakers deaf. #8 Nuggets
#2 Hornets deaf. #7 Mavericks in a very close series
#6 Phoenix deaf. #3 Spurs-This is the year the Spurs go down
#4 Utah deaf. #5 Houston

Then out of the four teams left I see either the Lakers or Suns coming out of the West to face Boston in the finals. I will save that very anticipated pick for a later time. Scenarios to watch in the Western Playoffs:

-Does Luke Walton actually dunk in a pressure filled playoff game? And if he does is this hope for average white basketball players everywhere?
-How many people does Chris Paul end up crossing over? How many people will Tyson Chandler dunk on? And can the person that gets dunked on have to take off their jersey and leave the building like in Streetball? This could be an alternate solution to fouling out. you get posterized, you leave.
-Is Carlos Boozer still a bitch for leaving Cleveland? Yes folks, he is.
-How many fingers wags does Mutumbo have left before his finger just falls off because of how old it is?
-After getting swept in the first round, will Nuggets stars 'Melo and AI have a press conference like this?
"Look, we look amazing in these powder blue uniforms and we score a hundred points a fucking game! So am I disappointed? No, I am not. I got my ring at Syracuse, I don't need to win a finals to validate my career."
"Yea we talkin' bout the first round! I'm too damn small to play defense, talk to J.R. Smith or some shit."
-Shaq in that hideous Suns jersey vs. Kobe Bryant.
-How long until Dirk Nowitzki says, "Look, Chris Paul and David West are way to good, and I don't know how to beat them, so they did a good job of never letting us win. I got this tiny angry coach yelling at me and I'm like 5 feet taller than him, I can't handle this. Cuban, fuckin trade me."

Look out for that exciting Eastern Conference preview this week! WOOOOO!

My Basketball Blog

Yes it has been a while since I have last posted, but thanks to Alex Kim and Tony for picking up the slack. There is nothing like a good Zack Randolph NBA video to start my day off! Anyway, since I have been gone I have watched a fair amount of basketball, drank a fair amount of alcohol, and have decided to share my revalations with you all.

-Once the excitement of the Cavaliers just making a move at the trade deadline wore off, I don't know how I feel about this trade. It almost feels like the exact same team, but with LeBron picking up more of the slack. Ben Wallace has been inconsistent and struggles guarding quicker power forwards. Wally Szeribak is shooting Larry Hughes type numbers right now and forcing shots. Hopefully we can contribute that to learning the offense and not feeling comfortable but I hope the Cavs did not swap one bad shooter for another. In the meantime, Larry Hughes is happily jacking up as many shots as he pleases in Chicago and not caring about whether they win or lose because apparently that's not at all important to him. Delonte West has impressed me. I think that if he can push the ball up the court like he has and hit his shots, then he will really help LeBron out. What more can you say about LeBron? He still falls in love with his jump shot when he is hitting it like he did in New York, which hurt him against Chicago the next night. But other than that the man is having one of the greatest seasons ever. If Wally starts shooting better and Gibson is still hitting shots when he comes back, watch out. Ric Bucher predicted Cavs-Lakers in the finals. I was a bit shocked but, man, how much fun would that be to watch. David Stern is praying for that match up.

-When you think of the most disappointing team in the NBA, you usually don't think of a team 10 or more games above .500. But the Denver Nuggets have got to be that team. This team on paper should be unbelievable. Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony. The 3rd and 4th leading scorers in the league! Marcus Camby, a great shotblocker and Defensive Player of the Year. A healthy Kenyon Martin. So what's wrong here? Why is this team getting blown out at time by the Knicks? Why could this team possibly not make the playoffs? The Nuggets don't play defense that's why. Why does Camby have so many blocks? Because opponents are blowing by their men so often Camby has to step in around the rim. The Nuggets could average 110 per game, but they re also giving up over 100 ppg. The Mavericks tried this style of play in the earlier 2000's and the Suns tried it the past few years. You will not get past the Spurs or the Lakers not playing any defense. Hell you won't get past the Warriors playing defense like that. Until the Nuggets stop caring so much about scoring and focus on the defensive end, this team will never make it out of the West. I would definitely call them the most disappointing team in the NBA.

-I miss the run and gun Suns. I still cannot tell if Shaq is making the Suns better, but besides their recent win over San Antonio, the have not looked very impressive. Shaq slows down their offense as expected and the Suns are scoring in the mid 90's every game now, something you used to never see. I understand that the Suns want a tested big man down the stretch in the playoffs, but was Shaq really that guy who was going to put you over the top? No longer are the Suns flying down the court before the other team can turn around after a basket. They have to set up their half-court offense which they are definitely not as good at. Amare Stoudamire has not been turned loose like he used to, he is a great player but I remember him being an absolute freak a few years ago. I just really do not see the Suns beating the Spurs in a seven game series with Shaq, he has lost most of his post game, still cannot shoot free throws, and almost killed himself jumping into the crowd the other night. Keeping Marion just made more sense than trading for Shaq.

-Dwight Howard is mad no one is talking about his Magic in the East. He's right, they aren't making much noise but, besides Hedo and Dwight, are they really getting great production from anywhere else? Rashard Lewis is inconsistent and what happened to to Jameer Nelson? He needs to play so much better for this team to be a serious contender.

-Watch out for the 76ers to give a high seed a run for their money in the playoffs. Andre Miller and the freakishly talented Andre Inguodala are slowly becoming a force to be reckoned with in the East. The bounce back from the Allen Iverson-Chris Webber debacle has gone pretty smoothly for the 76ers, and no one is talking about them.

-Are the Hawks ever going to learn how to play together. Al Horford, Joe Johnson, Mike Bibby, Josh Childress....this team has so many early first round draft picks that its inexcusable that they are still this bad.

-The Miami Heat could potentiall be the first team to be on National TV more times than they had wins now that Dwayne Wade is "out for the season." TAKE THEM OFF! Countdown to the day Pat Riley resigns and throws another frightened coach in to coach Beasley and Wade until they get good again is on.

-If I was to predict the NBA Finals right now, it would be extremelly hard to do. I think it is between the Spurs and Lakers in the West. I feel that the Spurs have gone away from how they win, and that is Tim Duncan. Manu has takes over that offense, and is playing fantastically, but the Spurs have always put Tim Duncan first. I think the combination of two great big men in Gasol and Bynum coupled with Kobe smelling that trophy is too much for the Spurs to handle. Out of the East it is a toss up. I think the Celtics would take out the Pistons in a 7 game series, but I cannot count out my Cavs either. If the Cavs gel, watch out because you know LeBron will step his game up in the playoffs. It will be a great playoffs. Look for the Warriors to take out another high seed in an early round again.

The NBA-Where Amazing Truely Does Happen

As I sit here on a Thursday afternoon waiting for the trade deadline, I am just consumed by basketball right now. Bill Simmons said it pretty well in his recent column from the All Star game, but I feel like it needs to be repeated. Could basketball be any better off right now? Let's just look at last night as a microcosm for what the season has been. Chris Paul taking on Jason Kidd in his debut with the Mavs. Paul drops 31 points, 11 assists, and 9 steals...yes Paul stole the ball 9 times and the Hornets beat the Mavs. Baron Davis hits a game winning jumper with .06 seconds left against the Celtics as the sold out crowd at Oracle Arena erupts like it was Game 7 of the NBA Finals. LeBron James with his second straight triple double as the Cavs defeat that Pacers. Shaq makes his debut with the Suns, only to be one upped by the Lakers who, when Andrew Bynum returns, might be unstoppable. Kobe still scoring 30 plus points with a dislocated pinky. The Knicks still losing games by more than 20 points.
Couple this with the trade deadline, which I have been following closely because the Cavs are apparently seriously involved in trade talks, and it leaves a college student getting absolutely no studying done. How can you not love basketball?