Tell Him What He's Won Jerry! The Eight Seed In The Eastern Conference Playoffs!

Ahhh, the Eastern Conference. Home of Jose Calderon, Samuel Dalembert, Jay-Z, Tyronne Lue, and many many more! And how can we forget the Iowa Energy, oh I'm sorry the Miami Heat? It was a year to remember folks. I remember at the beginning of this now mature NBA season. All the experts were talking about how the Eastern Conference had caught up with the West, with players like Rashard Lewis, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen all coming over to the East. Well sure enough the Celtics and the Magic improved immediately, but that was about it. Since everyone on the Bulls including former coach Scott Skiles thought they were being traded for Kobe Bryant, no one played well and the team that some crowned Eastern Conference Champs, or as Steven A. Smith said, "THEY GON' WIN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE!" fell towards the bottom of the standings. Or perhaps the team gave up after they drafted Joakim Noah. The young Raptors were ready to show their claws and jump into the category of Elite East teams, which is like 2, until they realized they play in Canada and decided it was not their year, ending up about .500 on the year. The Atlanta Hawks are going to make the playoffs though! Do you think Joe Johnson regrets his decision to leave Phoenix yet? 3 or 4 years since he has left and his Hawks are finally in the playoffs in the East and about to get swept, while the Suns have been in the playoffs every year since he left and have had a shot at the title every year. Good thinking Joe. Well the playoffs are here, and here I am to tell you who is gonna win. Think it's going to be Detroit or Boston? Well think again! Actually don't, cause it is.

I will start off with my ever-frustrating Cleveland Cavaliers. It appears as though their mid-season trade for Delonte West, Joe Smith, Ben Wallace, and Wally Sczjkhhf...I think that's how you spell his last name, has hurt more than it has helped this year. The Cavaliers are outscoring teams with LeBron on the bench, a sign that LeBron has been unable to get in a comfort zone with his new teammates or get used to playing with someone as pretty as Wally World. Anyway, the Cavs will take on the Washington Wizards for the third year in a row, and have to deal with their shitty fan base and shit talking players for the third year in a row. Don't get me wrong, I like Gilbert Arenas. But when someone named DeShawn Stevenson calls LeBron overrated shouldn't have Arenas interrupted that interview by yelling over from his locker, "Hey! DeShawn! SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU SEE WHAT HE DID TO DETROIT LAST YEAR? SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Anyway, anything is possible with LeBron, and if Boobie and Wally start hitting shots it can really stretch the defense. But beating Boston in the second round is a bit of a stretch in itself.

Detroit is like the Spurs of the East. A really good team who appears to be falling off and are boring as hell to watch unless Rasheed goes off on one of his temper tantrums, which he has cut down on this year. This year they have a group of five backups called the Zoo Crew. When Chauncey and the gang gets tired, Flip Saunders inserts and elephant, a giraffe, a peacock, a monkey, and the rare toucan. Oh I am sorry, wrong Zoo Crew. Consisting of Jason Maxiel, Arron Afflalo, Rodney Stuckey, and two others who are probably good basketball players, this group of five have been blowing out teams in this last week of the season. Yes that means you Minnesota Timberwolves, you are now losing to zoo animals.

What more can we say about the Celtics? KG has been a man possessed all year (he really has, Keanu Reaves had to exorcise a demon out of him earlier in the year) turning Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo into offensive and defesinve stars. And why has no one mentioned how big Rondo's hands are? HIS PENIS HAS GOT TO BE FUCKIN HUGE! That right there is reason enough for teams to get out of the Celtics way, in fear of being cock-slaped by Rajon Rondo.

Congratualtions to the Hawks for making the playoffs. Enjoy your week of first round ass kickings by the Celtics and get ready for another mediocre year! Hurray!

Orlando relies way to much on their ability to hit the three point shot to beat either Detroit or Boston. But honestly who wants to bang down low with that man child in Dwight Howard. That man is the T-Rex of the NBA. He walks around the land looking for other dinosaurs(players for those of you who don't understand my complex metaphors) to eat, but no one wants to challenge him. Then when the stupid Stegosaurus decides to step up he just gets eaten. Dwight Howard and Greg Oden, ladies and gentlemen, big men are back.

Everyone thinks the 76ers could be the surprise of this years' playoffs. But against Detroit in the first round? No way. Toronto? Have fun with Howard, Chris Bosh.

Here is how I see it playing out.

#1 Boston deaf. #8 Hawks
#2 Detroit deaf. #7 Sixers
#3 Orlando deaf. #6 Toronto
#4 Cavaliers deaf. #5 Wizards

#1 Boston deaf. #4 Cavaliers
#2 Detroit deaf. # 3 Orlando

#1 Boston deaf. #2 Detroit...boring I know but I just don't see anyone taking out Detroit or Boston. On with the playoffs!

Blogging adds 7 years to your life....

Ladies and Gentleman it has been a long time since Kimmy and I have blogged it up, and we know all 6 of of our readers have been worried about our whereabouts. But, have no fear, for have returned and are ready to blog once again. Kimmy has been drunk all weekend in Indiana so please forgive him if his next post is about the "fratmosphere" or how much he loves Mean Girls. Where have I been you ask? I have been mired in college work, college women, and college booze. We are back now though, so enjoy.

Next Saturday marks the beginning of the 2008 NBA playoffs, which for the Western Conference will be like World War II with each team fighting each other till the bitter end while suffering many casualties while Hitler poisons himself in the locker room. For the Eastern Conference it will be more like Vietnam. Boston and Detroit will play the Vietkong while teams like Atlanta, Philadelphia and Toronto will be playing America; getting their asses handed to them and after a while(maybe the third game of the series) they start to wonder why they are there in the first place. I look forward to this weekend, and I shall now tell you who I think will come out of all this mess and why my predictions are probably wrong.

First I want to talk about the Los Angeles Lakers. They beat the Flopping Bitch Huge Nose-less Spurs, oh I am sorry, the Manu Ginobli-less Spurs pretty handily this afternoon at the Staples Center. The one thing that sticks out on the Lakers besides Luke Walton is the size they have on that team. Paul Gasol, Ronnie Turiaf, Andrew Bynum when he comes back, Lamar Odom. It is going to be extremely hard to beat this team in rebounds and toughness under the rim. Gasol is money from 10 feet. Kobe Bryant and Gasol run one of the prettiest pick and roll plays aside from Chris Paul and David West. Ronnie Turiaf can step out and hit the long jumper, a huge asset for a man his size. Lamar Odom can apparently play any position as he brought the ball up the court multiple times. Derek Fisher has returned to his championship Lakers team form, hitting threesand contested jumpers all over the place. And then of course you have Kobe Bryant who could hit a shot sitting on top the jumbotron if he wanted to. The Lakers have a legit shot at the title this year.

So is it just me or do the Denver Nuggets not really deserve to be in the playoffs this year? It is ridiculous that with the amount of talent they have on that team they lost to the Sonics in double overtime when the season is on the line. The Denver Nuggets on offense are unstoppable. the Denver Nuggets on defense are a joke. I think everyone besides Marcus Camby wants to get back on offense so bad they could care less about defense. It is like that kid at your local gym. He challenges you to a pick up game, realizes you are playing defense on him when all he wants to do is dribble the ball between his legs for 20 seconds and then do some crazy reverse layup. He gets frustrated, then when its his turn to play defense he doesn't even bother, and the game is no longer fun for anyone. That is the Denver Nuggets in a nutshell. Same thing with Golden State. Sure they are a lot of fun to watch. But no team that gives up over 100 points a game is going past the second round in the Western Conference.

Houston will lose to Utah in the first round. For the third straight year, the Rockets will be going home early. No way playing with Skip To My Lou and Dikembe Mutumbo is going to continue to carry this team like it did during that 22 game winning streak.

So who do I see coming out of it? Let's do it like this:
#1 Lakers deaf. #8 Nuggets
#2 Hornets deaf. #7 Mavericks in a very close series
#6 Phoenix deaf. #3 Spurs-This is the year the Spurs go down
#4 Utah deaf. #5 Houston

Then out of the four teams left I see either the Lakers or Suns coming out of the West to face Boston in the finals. I will save that very anticipated pick for a later time. Scenarios to watch in the Western Playoffs:

-Does Luke Walton actually dunk in a pressure filled playoff game? And if he does is this hope for average white basketball players everywhere?
-How many people does Chris Paul end up crossing over? How many people will Tyson Chandler dunk on? And can the person that gets dunked on have to take off their jersey and leave the building like in Streetball? This could be an alternate solution to fouling out. you get posterized, you leave.
-Is Carlos Boozer still a bitch for leaving Cleveland? Yes folks, he is.
-How many fingers wags does Mutumbo have left before his finger just falls off because of how old it is?
-After getting swept in the first round, will Nuggets stars 'Melo and AI have a press conference like this?
"Look, we look amazing in these powder blue uniforms and we score a hundred points a fucking game! So am I disappointed? No, I am not. I got my ring at Syracuse, I don't need to win a finals to validate my career."
"Yea we talkin' bout the first round! I'm too damn small to play defense, talk to J.R. Smith or some shit."
-Shaq in that hideous Suns jersey vs. Kobe Bryant.
-How long until Dirk Nowitzki says, "Look, Chris Paul and David West are way to good, and I don't know how to beat them, so they did a good job of never letting us win. I got this tiny angry coach yelling at me and I'm like 5 feet taller than him, I can't handle this. Cuban, fuckin trade me."

Look out for that exciting Eastern Conference preview this week! WOOOOO!